While BTS has accomplished a lot this year, their members have made some heartbreaking confessions this year as well, especially RM. Here’s a list of 4 confessions made by RM this year that will break your heart.

1. RM sharing a painful memory from their pre-debut days

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When BTS appeared as guests on the finale of I-LAND, RM revealed a heartbreaking memory from their pre-debut days. RM spoke on how they used to be embarrassed by BTS’s name (Bangtan Sonyeondan, meaning Bulletproof Boyscouts). In fact, the members didn’t tell anyone except their family and friends about their name for 3 years during that time!

For us, we have a painful memory from when we didn’t tell anyone except our family and friends about our name for three years during that time.

— RM

2. RM speaking on the feeling of emptiness

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During their global press conference for their album BE, RM was asked about how they cope with difficulties in their lives and the emptiness that comes along with it, and he gave quite the answer. RM shared that there’s always a sense of emptiness after they achieve something.

For example, even if we were to win a GRAMMY, while there would be an enormous sense of joy and fulfillment, there will always be a sense of emptiness afterward.

— RM

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| Dispatch

Not only that, but RM also shared how this feeling of emptiness is hard to deal with.

I know it all sounds cliche. The contrast between light and day, what people see on the stage versus off the stage. However, we always feel empty at the end, and it’s hard.

— RM

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| Variety

RM continued by speaking about how he always feels discouraged, even after perfect performances.

Even if we finish our performances perfectly, I think I’ll always feel the feelings of regret and despair, which always discourages me. Even in this moment with ‘Life Goes On’, I struggle with those feelings.

— RM

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| PICKCON/YouTube

However, RM concluded by speaking about how he has a lot of loving people around him who help him cope with these feelings.

There are a lot of good and meaningful people in the world. The members, we all mean something to one another. The label means something to us and vice versa. There’s also all the people around the world who listen to our music and people like you who allow us to communicate. All of the people and the relationships we have help me cope with these types of feelings.

— RM

3. RM revealing that he ran away from Big Hit Entertainment (BTS’s agency) 6 months before he debuted

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During their guest appearance on the 7th episode of I-LAND, RM revealed that he ran away from Big Hit Entertainment 6 months before he was supposed to debut in BTS.

RM then met with his father, who started convincing him to go back.

During their conversation, RM’s father told him, “I know you want to be there (Big Hit Entertainment), and you need to be there.” His father also told him that he would regret it in the future if he didn’t go back. After speaking with his father for a couple of hours, RM decided to go back to Big Hit Entertainment.

4. RM speaking about the pressure that comes with BTS’s fame

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BTS has achieved worldwide fame, but the members have admitted that they feel a lot of pressure due to their fame. During their global press conference for their album BE, RM shared that they “always feel [the] pressure“.

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| PICKCON/YouTube

However, RM believes that this is something that comes with all the love they receive as artists.

I think we are supposed to cope with all of the noise that [comes with] the great love we receive as artists.

— RM