Former Crayon Pop member and current mother of Jam Jam, Soyul sent a tearful message to her future self on a recent episode of MBN‘s Miss Back.

On the show, Soyul confessed that she went through an identity crisis twice in her life.

When I was a trainee at 20 years old, I wondered, ‘Who am I?’ But when I got married, I wondered the same thing all over again.

— Soyul

And that’s when she broke down in tears.

Although she acknowledged how amazing her husband, Moon Hee Joon is, she didn’t hide the fact that it was difficult becoming a mother at such a young age.

I tried not to think about the hard times, but it just went through my head. My husband was very good to me after we got married. He’s looking after Hee Yul right now.

— Soyul

After continuing to sob, Soyul finally recollected her thoughts and sent out an honest message to her future self.

She asked her future self to put herself first regardless of how important her family is.

Your husband and daughter are your precious family. But I think you need to find your health and self identity first. That’s the only way you can make your family happy.

— So Yul

After debuting with Crayon Pop in 2012, Soyul withdrew from the group in 2016 due to signs of panic disorder before getting married to Moon Hee Joon in 2017 and giving birth to her daughter, Hee Yul.

Check out the full message below: